Interview with a Married Couple

Malou and Chichok Samson

I decided to interview my Aunt and my Uncle for this project because from what I have observe in their relationship, they have a very strong companionship and I can see that through the way they talk to each other, raise their children and grandchildren. I can also see that they are very interesting to interview about marriage because they have been married for over 37 years now. 

I asked a few questions that I got from the guidelines with a bit of a twist and some followup questions. First off I started with how they met and how my uncle asked out my aunt and how many years or months before they decided to get married.

I could actually see how spiritual my aunt and uncle are when they told the story of how they met and how my uncle asked out my aunt. They met in community catholic organization called the Catholic Youth Organization (CYO) where my uncle became one of the presidents or something and one summer festival, they got the chance to talk to one another and things hit off stating that they had chemistry and then from there my uncle asked my aunt out and they dated for about 2 years before they started to think of marriage. My aunt was underage and my uncle was already of age when they decided to get married and things was a little bit not good when my uncle came to my grandfather to ask the hand of my aunt because (1) they were too young and (2) my uncle was just starting off with his job and is on his way to become a lawyer. I asked them why they still pushed through with the marriage despite the fact that they already know that they were too young and they answered me that they already know that  they were ready for it and that they love each other so much that they should get married.

I then asked what were/are the blessings of married life. First they stated that even though it's a cliche to say it but children are one of the blessings from the married life. And then they took a few moments to sink in the question given to them and answered with first "companionship," having someone as your best friend for a very long time and just having each other is a blessing for them. Another blessing was having a support system from their own families, this if for mostly their start as a married couple that it was really a blessing that they had family support not just financially but also support in approval in the relationship even though they were just a young couple starting out in this world. Even now they consider family support as one of the blessing, now saying that by just meeting and having dinner every Sunday as a whole in our family gives them moral support to see true family love. 

After some laughs about their blessings in life, I answered the question that was a bit difficult for them to answer which was about their difficulties and problems that they have encountered in their married life and how they tried to have solved it. Though they would not say in detail those difficulties both big or small they said that they have had problems in their marriage but those problems are things that they strive to resolve and not let it ruin the relationship. I really wanted to quote what they said to me about their difficult times, "We try to remember the difficulties that we had, natatawa nalang kami kasi iniisip namin 'yun o dumaan tayo sa ganun o' and na-survive mo yun kasi knowing na di ka naman bibigay. Nakikita mo yung long term. Never for a minute naming naiisip na may mga bagay that would prevent us from moving on, we will always look at this as a life long journey, na oo may mga dadating na challenges along the way but it's not going to be too big or big enough to derail and get you of that course (of marriage)... Alam mo that it (problems and difficulties) is a temporary thing that suppose to make your relationship stronger." They say that they try to solve their problems and difficulties through understanding and patience for one another. They also answered that there should also be a partnership in order for them to resolve their problems because it would not work and would not be resolved when only one is moving to resolve it.

Okay since I was actually related to the ones I was interviewing with I kinda hesitated in asking the sex question so I kinda rephrased it with the question: "Does romance have to die in marriage when you get older? Or are you guys still romantic to each other?" They actually laughed and said that of course the romance is still there but it matured through the years. "Sa start malakas yung romance" but it doesn't die, the romance matures and becomes a long term romance because they are sharing part of their life. They still are romantic like they still text each other when they are apart, they keep in touch the whole day and they have their own language that the two of them only understands. They have this special connection that helps them with developing their relationship throughout the years. My aunt also said that she still tries to look good for my uncle and my uncle still tries to impress my aunt by being romantic. They gave emphasis that romance is important in their relationship, they would always stop and think why they married each other and it all comes back to them how they truly love each other. 

And lastly, I asked them about their advice on those couples who are going to get married or starting their married life. They state that their marriage is not perfect but it is strong because of understanding and patience that they have developed throughout the years. They say that their patience matures while their marriage develops. My aunt also says that they should not forget about God stating that marriage is between 3 people, the husband, the wife, and God. They should keep their faith strong while they develop their married relationship. And you should always remember why the two of you married because people get old and the physical attraction would eventually fade away but you should always look back and ask yourself why you wanted to get married in the first place and that's because of your love for each other.

Me and my Aunt and Uncle

REFLECTION

This interview was a very interesting interview not just because I was interviewing my aunt and uncle about their relationship and the married life but because they had so many insights that was a big impact in my idea of the married life.

• There is no "dress-rehearsal" in marriage. 

This was something my said about marriage when she said that you cannot practice marriage because everyday in your married life is something new and through that we develop our relationship and ourselves while we are married.
This is something that really struck me because I never really wanted to get married unless I truly know the person and my beliefs are that you shouldn't get married unless you really truly know the person and spent about 6 years or more with them. My aunt and uncle told me that there's more to learn from a person in marriage and that it would be an adventure than stay in my comfort zone. They told me that throughout the years you'll develop a close friendship with your spouse and learn more about one another and more about life and love. There I became excited for myself in this next step in my life (whenever that is) to have and adventure with the person I want to be with forever and develop a beautiful companionship and friendship with that person. Though I'm not in a relationship yet, these insights are the ones that make me want to have a relationship not just for the sake of having a relationship but because of love. Having someone to love and be loved.

• Communication is key

 For me, this for me is an important lesson that I've learned from them.Communication is not just a lesson fro marriage but also for my life. To be honest, I was not really that into communicating my feelings and ideas to other people and so the reasons for different miscommunication from me. Until I entered college, I was really shy and an introvert when it came to expressing my feelings and ideas. I didn't really emphasized that communication really helped me through the years in college but when my aunt and uncle expressed that communication helped them resolved their issues and develop their relationship that's when I remember that communication is the key to any good relationship, may it be a friendship, partnership or a marital relationship.

• Nothing should be that big, it cannot be THAT BIG enough to get you off the course.

This was one of the most interesting thing that they told me. I often watch movies about break ups and divorces because of problems that they cannot resolve. There are also stories that I've heard on couples breaking up because of "irreconcilable differences," financial problems, in-law problems, habitual problems and from that I was actually scared of being in a relationship. From what they told me that there should not be a problem THAT BIG to make you forget why you decided to get married. They told me that partnership and communication helps with resolving problems no matter how big it is. And even if it is that big, it should not really make it a reason to destroy the relationship. But from what I've learned in Father Maxwell's lecture kung pinipilit nilang ayusin siya pero di talaga siya maayos maybe you're not really right for each other (something like that) because it's not just your relationship that is being affected but also the relationship you have with your love ones and children. 

• You'll always remember why you wanted to get married in the first place

 This is was a good end to my interview because from this I look at marriage as a development of the relationship and an adventure with the partner. When difficulties and problems strike and it hits a wall on your relationship, always reflect and remember why you wanted to get married to that person in the first place. It would always be because you love that person so much that you want to spend your whole life with him or her. So if ever you have problems, remember that love you have and that idea of spending your life with that person forever that you would do anything to resolve that problem. I don't know but that was one of the good points I liked about the interview.

My aunt and baby Gian during my cousin's wedding

In the end, I have learned a lot from my uncle and aunt and looking at them right now,  their relationship is going strong and I look up to them when it comes to their relationship. One of the reasons why I wanted to interview them was because I don't just see them as husband and wife but also best friends. And now it is becoming stronger with a new addition to their family who is their new grandson, that I can see from my Sundays at my grandma, they love so much.